Taken from an article by Mark Gungor, men goes into “battle mode” when in an argument. This means he looks to wound and hurt the other person. Men are created to be warriors and when a warrior is in combat, he looks for the most vulnerable place and attacks there. This might explain why men will, while in a heated argument, finally loose it and say something mean or hurtful.
For example, if a man is taking on another man in a tennis match, what does he do to win? He watches him and look for his weaknesses. Say it’s a back hand in the far left corner that he is having trouble returning. Guess where he is going to hit the ball? He’ll play to his most vulnerable place because he wants to beat him and destroy him.
The same thing can happen in an argument. A man will look for the soft spots in the women and attack her there. Most of the time a woman will get hurt by these harsh words if she didn’t prepare herself beforehand. If a man does go into “battle mode” when arguing and attack with harsh words, a women should prepare for the “war” and have the right defence mechanism in place before an argument begins.
If you have to play tennis in an argument be ready for the match. First of all, you need to know yourself and realize where your soft spots or vulnerable places are. For example if you know that he always uses the “weight” card to hurt you then stop him immediately. Tell him that you are aware of the weight you have gained after the 2nd child you have given him and that you have asked your personal trainer to focus on this area. You don’t understand why this is part of the argument and that you would like to focus on the matter at hand. An attack can only be successful if you allow it to be.
Prepare your defence and have an answer ready. Once he realizes that his “attacks” are not hurting you anymore, he will become powerless.
Areas of arguments that usually arise and are used against you are family, money and kids. Have your response ready if you know you are vulnerable in these areas. For example:
Family: They are important to me just as your family is important to me… but they are not part of this argument.
Money: I might not contribute financially (i.e. money) to the household but my efforts to raise our kids weighs in more than gold.
Kids: You might think that I’m too strict with my routine but good boundaries are what make children feel safe.
Remember, once you know where your soft spots are and you prepare yourself accordingly, you will not be a target anymore.
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